Monday Manners: Self-Help From a Two-Year-Old

My sister’s wedding portrait, in my parents’ living room.

Happy Monday, Y’all! Hope y’all had a wonderful weekend. The hubs emailed me this Huffington Post article last week, and it had me laughing in tears. I felt as if my own E could have written it herself. Enjoy!

Self-Help from a Two-Year-Old

by: Jason Good (comedian and writer)

Challenge yourself every day. Try climbing the stairs carrying two soccer balls while wearing your father’s shoes. Remember, failure IS an option.

De-clutter! Start by throwing all your dishes in the garbage. After that I suggest toothbrushes and important paper work.

Pee on the floor and stomp in it like a puddle. You’ll be shocked how much better you feel.

Whether the glass is half empty or half full is irrelevant if you dump it out on the sofa. You’re welcome.

If you’re feeling aggressive, or just bored, scream in a cat’s face.

Don’t ever be afraid to hand someone an ice cube while they’re on the toilet. That stuff is cold. You don’t have to be in pain!

Socks are poison. Trust me, don’t wear them! Happiness will soon follow!

Pound on a computer keyboard like Jerry Lee Lewis playing the piano. Feel better? I thought so. Great Balls of Fire!

If you fall down, stay down. Someone will pick you up eventually.

Quick thrills fuel the heart. Have you learned to delete things off the DVR yet? DO IT. It’s AwWwWwEsOmE.

Seize the day and the night and the middle of the night and the early morning. Seize everything, y’all! Never stop seizing stuff.

Tired of looking at yourself in the mirror? So was I until I met my friend permanent marker. FACE TATTOOS ARE RAD.

This might be a tough one, but you gotta trust me: Take a crap in the tub. It’s surreal.

Live in the moment because there is nothing else. Seriously, there isn’t. Not that I’m aware of at least.

If you’re gonna run, do it at top speed, man. Life is too short to walk in the mall.

I’ve seen God, and his name is iPad. Let us pray.

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I got my TKEES in last week, after posting about them HERE. I really love the way they fit. They’re super comfy, a pretty gold color and go with everything! While I still love my Rainbows and Havaianas, I think the TKEES are more versatile. They can be worn during the day, as well as at night. Since I have more flip flops than I know what to do with, I’ve decided to sell these. They’re a size 9, in the Blink (Gold) color. They generally retail for $48, but I’m selling this brand new, never worn pair for only $30, with free shipping! Email me at sweetsouthernprep@gmail.com, if you’re interested. They have SOLD.

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Ann Taylor LOFT Marisa Wideleg Ikat Pants

How great are these pants (here, in natural and navy)?? I have a wonderful “cousin” who always emails me her latest finds and steals, and I usually can’t help but get them too. Bad for my spending? Yes. Bad for my wardrobe? No. And I swear we have identical wardrobes, but thankfully we live a few states apart (she’s in CT). Unfortunately, I think these pants are sold out online now (I went with the natural color), but I’d be sure and check your local LOFT store for availability.

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